Trimming the tree

So, I am still in the "missing mode" - I wouldn't tell the wife that, but I think this is gonna be the worst Christmas I have had in a long time.

Each year around this time I begin reading A Christmas Carol. It is a very festive and relaxing thing for me and really is fun for me. I look forward to it every year... it is kind of a special, personal thing with me. I should have seen this one coming...

I picked up the book a couple days ago and tried reading it... I couldn't get into it... I have TOO MUCH on my mind! I didn't realize just HOW stressed I really am. I can't even read A Christmas Carol b/c I can't even focus on it. I am not in a good place...

I knew the season was not what I wanted it to be, but then there is more...

We got a "gas burning, fake log" artificial insert for our fireplace. It lights with an electric spark. I lit it and found out something... there is no wood smell and no wood burning sound. It hisses as it burns... that's it. So, that is fake. And it makes me feel like "what in the world am I doing here, in the CITY...?"

Then, tonight, we put up our tree. It is a fake tree. There is no smell and it is out of shape and weird. I have never had an artificial tree before. We always cut our trees ourselves; it was a great family thing and the kids always had SO much fun!! And when we could, we would get with Joe and Danette and the kids and we would all cut our trees together! That was the best! Man, it isn't even COLD here! There is NO SNOW. There are still BIRDS chirping outside! So, I have to admit it... finally... I am depressed.

HOWEVER!!! The kids had SO MUCH FUN! They were hooting and yelling and saying how much they LOVE CHRISTMAS! I am SO glad that they did, b/c if they had not liked it or had said that they didn't like the fake tree... I think I would have just broken down. But, they didn't and they still loved that the family is all together.

I need to learn to see the world through my children's eyes...